Once upon a time there was a woman named Belinda, Belinda didn't like her name, so she changed it to Carolyn. She thought this name went with her personality so much better so once she had decided on her name she thought she had better get up and get on with her day. First off she put on her trousers, and then remembered she hadn't put on any underwear, oh well who needs underwear? Just another layer to remove and then thought to herself, less really is more. "Look how free I look!" When she walked out her house in nothing but her trousers and shoes she saw that people were giving her funny looks. But Carolyn really didn't care; she sauntered off to the bus stop to wait for the bus, what was public indecency? She was young and attractive; she was really doing everyone a favour.
She felt it was really quite chilly out. While out at the shops she'd buy herself a nice hat and scarf set to match. She heard a noise from nearby, and then saw a black mass slowly crawl down the alley by the chip shop. Carolyn went to go and investigate this black mass... and then decided she was hungry so went and got herself some chips, well she got herself four portions of chips and three fish suppers, just the regular lunch really. Then she went out to go see what this black mass was all about.
"This is no ordinary black mass" she thought. (and Carolyn had quite an impressive knowledge of black masses) she walked cautiously towards the alley with her hands waving frantically over her head, you know, casual and as inconspicuous as ever. As she got closer to the black mass it appeared to get bigger, she thought that was rather strange and she waved her arms faster and faster hoping it might make the mass smaller again but it wasn't working! She stepped on the black mass and was surprised to find....
"Martin!" she exclaimed “What are you doing here?!” Martin sheepishly explained how he'd seen a penny coin roll down the alley and decided to chase after it (every little helps).
Martin stood up and looked directly across at Carolyns chest (he was rather small) and was surprised to see that she was wearing hardly any clothes, "My god you must be cold!" he said and gave her his scarf to warm up with.
"Oh no thanks." she said, feeling quite offended at Martin's disgusted look. As she was talking about herself to Martin, she noticed a package in the alley. "Hey look Martin, there's a package! Let's open it!"
"Yeeeeey presents" shouted Martin gleefully. And inside the package was costumes!
There was one costume for Cher and one costume for Lady Gaga! It ended up that Carolyn put on the Cher costume and Martin put on the Lady Gaga costume, "We look fantastic!" Carolyn said as she walked out of the alley feeling like a new person. "Let's go get some more chips, I'm starving!" said Carolyn.
"Ok" said Martin, who didn't want to disagree with her, just before they got to the chip shop, Martin saw another penny on the ground and bent down to pick it up, but unfortunately lost his balance and fell onto the busy main road. "Oops" said Martin.
Just as Martin stood up a car quickly knocked him down. And then another and another. Carolyn didn't notice any of this as she had gone back into the chippy and got some more of those yummy chips. It was only as she was coming out she dropped all her chips to the ground when she saw Martins remains on the road. "Oh no! Martin!" She said and knelt beside the road. Then she got awfully bored and returned to the discarded chips. "Thank god I'm wearing this amazing Cher costume, I look so swag"
After she had eaten the chips from the pavement Carolyn got up and walked down the pavement, swaggering because she looked swag and she felt it fit. She got to the bus stop and decided to catch the bus into town to show off her new clothes. As the bus pulled away, it ran over the remains of Martin. "This is one bumpy bus!" she blurted out. Boredom set back in so she decided to lick some windows to get a good view of the outside world. Unsatisfied, she turned to her fellow passengers and decided to be friendly, maybe a bit too friendly...
Carolyn quickly put her hand atop her fellow passengers head, "Why hello fellow bus rider!" She exclaimed and patted the man on the head, the man beside her looked pretty freaked out and quickly scanned the area for any free seats but there were none. "Don't you love my swag?" Carolyn said and started to chew on the man’s hat, she was so hungry. Before long, she had to leave the bus as her stop was approaching, but she felt she had grown close to the man beside her. She thought for a moment then decided to take him with her on her travels; she was quite hoping he'd propose to her. So off they went around town when they noticed an incredibly large post box.
"My, that is one huge post box!" She said and the man muffled because Carolyn had to gag him with his scarf in order for him to come with her. They walked over to the post box and she poked it. Suddenly the post box swallowed the two of them up. The man let out a muffled cry and Carolyn giggled, this was not the first time she had been swallowed by a post box.
"Oh here we go again" she said. "I do hope I get to the shops before they close! I've got to keep up my swag too"
“Mmmmmmphmhmphmpmhpmhmmmmhmmmm" said the man.
"Do you smell cats too man?" asked Carolyn, then a hand poked her face.
Apparently she and the man were not alone in the post box. Carolyn gasped aloud, "I've been in here for hours." wailed the other man, coincidentally his name was also Martin. He was big and wearing a yellow jumper. "Oh Martin! I wasn't expecting to see you here! Are you happy?" Carolyn said.
"Mmhppphhh" groaned the man and Carolyn kicking him in the kneecap.
To Be Continued
Although the characters are named after people Dec and I know they do not represent the people as a whole, our friend Carolyn is not the kind of person likely to go out wearing next to nothing and eat a million chippys. Well not yet anyway.....
What will happen to Carolyn, the man and Martin? Will we ever see the first Martin again or is he dead for good? Will they ever get out of the post box? Can this story get any more random? Find out.... next time.
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