Avoiding Responsibility

We all do it, don't we? Hell, I'm avoiding responsibility right now (I'm actually avoiding just doing anything). This is what I am avoiding doing just now. 


- clothes on the floor need picked up... two second job? But I don't want to get up.
- university psychology coursework needs to be done... when is that due again? Oh yeah, 10th November, plenty of time (Um, not really).
- Spoken presentation on the 15th November... less I think about that the better. 


You see here is my problem, I just avoid doing all these things until it gets to the point I absolutely have to do them. Let's take at the moment, the presentation. I hate speaking in front of people, I hate it so much. I used to freak out when I had to do it in school, went bright red, fiddled with my cardigan and my face, spoke so quietly I had to be asked to speak up, things like that. I just can't do it. 


And at the same time I feel like, why the hell should I do it? It's not as though I will be doing it in my line of work, I want to be a clinical psychologist not a teacher. 

No. No. No. 

I've never been good at speaking in front of an audience, never, unless it's something I feel I really really know. Like if I was doing say... something I know really well, like my friends, or something to do with Shetland, where I'm from. It would be so much easier, but no I have to do it on this: Does Psychology Make Driving Safer?

I HAVE NO IDEA IF IT DOES OKAY?! Ugh, it's so terrifying. But I'm going to have to. 

But here's the issue, I don't want to do the presentation, the very idea of it right now is making me break out in a little bit of a cold sweat, which I know is really stupid and silly of me, but I can't help it. So in the end what I do is I try not to think about it. 

If I don't think about it, it won't happen. So I lull myself into a false sense of security that it's not happening la la la la I don't need to worry I can just sit and play games on my computer all the time, that's fine. 

YAY SIMS I CAN FORGET ABOUT EVERYTHING ELSE

Until eventually, say the day before the presentation is due and my bubble snaps and suddenly I realise HOLY SHIT I HAVE A PRESENTATION THAT I HAVE TO DO AT PRECISELY 11.15AM TOMORROW IN FRONT OF TEN OTHER PEOPLE AND I'M NOT PREPARED AT ALL. And I end up practically ripping my hair out and freaking out so much I can't actually do it. 

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

That would be a totally accurate drawing of me under stress, totally, totally accurate. Tears heading off in all directions and then I just end up a crumpled mess on the floor surrounded by paper and empty diet coke cans, crying. This is pretty much how I will be exactly a week from now. Just wait and see. 


What about you? Do you avoid responsibility the same way I do? Or are you one of those people who is just able to get on with things and well... not be lazy like I am. Let me know in the comments below (: And I mean you. I see you in my Statcounter, reading my blog and not giving me any feedback. I WANT FEEDBACK.

What I Am Afraid Of

I'm scared of a lot of silly things, I don't like not being in control of myself so I don't particularly enjoy alcohol (although I do drink it sometimes) and I don't like drugs at all. I don't like spiders, and creepy crawlies as already mentioned in this post. I'm not a huge fan of deep water in the sea because you just don't know what's down there. 

This is how I imagine it in my head.

So that's why I hate swimming in the ocean, even when I'm around a place where there aren't even any sharks, or in a loch (lake for all those non-Scottish readers) I STILL am so sure that something bad is going to happen, be it a shark or a very big fish. It could happen. 

But another thing I am terrified of, is clowns, oh my god. I don't understand how any child finds a clown funny, I mean LOOK AT THEM.

I just peed myself.

Okay so I got that image by searching 'evil clown face' on google. BUT STILL. It's effing scary, these stories aren't all made up! There are some evil clowns out there, haven't you heard the ghost stories? Because I have. And they freak me out. No, I do not like clowns, they can all just stay away from me, far, far away. 

It doesn't help that my only real experience of a clown was this clown that used to come to these park days for the charity my stepmam used to help organise. It was called Cash for Kids, Summer Games and we would set up in various parks around Glasgow, and there was face painting, fake tattoo's (also called dabbities) and all these sort of games like the hoopla, and the one where you try to knock coconuts off the thing. 

I always worked on dabbities, and the clown that came to do shows for the kids was called 'Bubbles'. And this man, like even when he wasn't working as Bubbles he would answer his phone like "Hello? Bubbles?" in this really childish, sing-song voice and it was so freaking scary. 

My stepmam says she will just never forget the day, it was a misty day and they were in the car park and there were all these tree's around the edge of the park, 'Bubbles' had gone to get changed at the edge of the car park and he just came through in the mist, squeaking with his little trolley full of whatever clowns carry around with them, in his full clown outfit. 

I would have died on the spot. 

I have a comfort zone as well, apparently I don't like changing it Nicky (my boyfriend) says. However I did remind him that we went and tried sushi on our two year anniversary just a mere two weeks ago, and he said that was 'not the norm'. Just because I know what I like.

Kian and Fridge/Facebook Disappointment

Kian is a very new member of the family, an absolutely gorgeous new member of the family. He is my nephew and was born at 2.17pm on Monday 1st November and he's so tiny. Because he's so young all he can really do is sleep, cry, and poop but still. He is so lovely when he is just sleeping in your arms. My sister and her husband will be such excellent parents, too. 

Can I take him home? Thanks.

When I was a baby apparently I was like, a ball. I was two months premature and by god, I reaaally made up for it, I would eat everything I could - this is evident in Christmas home videos. I wonder if Kian will take after his aunty?

Recently I've begun to notice something, Facebook is almost like the Internet equivalent to the fridge. You know the story. You're hungry, so after finally getting up and walking through to the kitchen you open the fridge door and look around to see if there is anything you might actually enjoy eating. 

Upon finding nothing, you leave and go back to the seat you recently vacated, feeling disappointed and sad. 

 Thanks for nothing.

However five minutes later, still hungry, you start to think. Maybe.... maybe something has magically appeared in the fridge since you last opened the door, as if that's actually what happens. Hey, sometimes it worked when you were a kid and your mam would go shopping, the fridge would suddenly be filled with yummy goodness! You rush over to the fridge in excitement, open the door, only to be even more disappointed because you remember in that moment, you don't live at home anymore and there aren't magical fairies who just fill the fridge for you. 

You begin to wonder whether the lettuce that's browning a little at the edges would be worth it and then remember, you don't even like lettuce, that's your boyfriend and you close the door and get a packet of crisps instead.

That's the cycle I do almost everytime I go into the kitchen. It's not like I don't try to change my diet. But nothing in that disappointing fridge is appetising. 

Facebook is like that now, am I the only one who notices this? You're on the internet, you're bored, maybe facebook has something to say? So you go on and you go to your homepage. Nope, nothing interesting happening there. Two minutes later you refresh (even though the page automatically updates for you) and nope, nothing's happened. Disappointment.

Disappointed Facebook, disappointed.

EDIT// Okay so I have noticed this post has been getting a lot of attention, today it's had 63 page views alone which just doesn't happen for me. So I was wondering why is it so interesting to you readers? Leave a comment letting me know so I can provide more of this top notch stuff for you. (: 

How To... Irritate Me Part 2

Since my original post on 'How To Irritate Me' was probably my most looked at post so far, I decided to take the easy way out of actually having to think of a new post idea (I know, I'm very lazy) and just do a second one to that since I think you will find a LOT of things irritate me, seriously. But I think that's the same for everyone.


Anyway let's move on, down to what I find annoying/irritating.


People telling you what YOU'RE feeling
Doesn't anyone else get really annoyed by this? When you are speaking to someone and they go "Oh but, no you're not" or something like that, maybe when you say you didn't sleep well last night, or you have a sore stomach "Oh no you don't" as if you've just told this lie for absolutely no reason. And you feel like going "No, actually I do have a sore stomach and I didn't sleep well last night. OH AND I'M ANNOYED NOW."


Unreliable People
People who quite happily say they will do one thing, and then do another (I'm bad for this myself, actually). Like people who will be all happy to go out with you and meet up and then twenty minutes beforehand, they text you like 'oh sorry can't come sorry xxx' and you know they have probably not meant to come for a while, but have only told you at the last minute. There is no reason for this at all! Tell me sooner if you're not coming out, not when you should be leaving to go out.


Old people who think they are better than everyone else
Right, I hate old people who think they are better than everyone else because, well they are old. I do agree with all the 'let an elderly person take your seat on the bus if there's no others' and that kind of thing, but when they expect it it really annoys me. Like elderly people who seem to think that every single young person is a chav or a ned sitting out on the streets drinking and doing drugs when it's not the case. I hate being prejudiced against for being young, fuck off!


People who think they are better than me
I hate people who look down on me because they seem to think they are better than me for... absolutely no reason. It really annoys me, people who put you down and say those 'backhanded' compliments just fuck off, you're not better than me. Absolutely not. 


Girls who wear revealing clothes... and then complain
I hate girls who wear revealing clothes and then complain people are looking, if you don't want people to look at your ass don't wear a skirt so short it looks like a belt, okay? And if you don't want people to call you a slut don't wear clothes like that and then be all over every single male person you see, yeah? It makes life so much easier.


Okay so that was more ways to annoy me. If you really wanted to annoy me this would be how to do it. Anyway I've noticed a few people read this so feel free to comment! I'd love to have some feedback! I've even left a little cbox over at the side if you don't have an account.

Why I Hate Forkytails

Okay, so if you don't know what a forkytail is, it's the Shetland word for 'earwig'. They are the most disgusting creatures on the planet. The reason a forkytail is called such, is because well, if you've ever looked at one closely - I have not in reality but Google images is good place to start even if it does feel like they are crawling all over my legs right now - they have a very forklike tail. Anyway that is what they will be referred to throughout this blog.


Whilst living in Edinburgh I have never seen a forkytail, I haven't found one in my flat (bet I do now), I've never seen one outside or anything like that. But the moment I go home to Shetland, oh by god do I regret it when I see the forkytails. 


I don't like bugs, or creepy crawlies, spiders or anything like that, as a whole, I hate them. And where I am from in Shetland seems to be in abundance of all of them. But I don't know, spiders I can deal with if they aren't within about ten feet of me, and even then the tiny ones don't bother me (as much). 


But forkytails, the mere mention of one even so slightly as possibly being in the same area code as me gives me the creeps. It's as though they have some sort of a plot to kill me, the moment I see one I just want to vomit. I don't know where the fear comes from, maybe it comes from always finding them in the strangest places as a child, maybe it's because they move so quickly, I do not know. 


I just always feel like they are trying to get inside me somehow, to eat me from the inside. THAT IS THE PLAN. I have evidence!


Evidence A: One time when I was a child, I went to go and put my foot into a show, a trainer probably to go outside and play or do whatever a kid does when she's happy and not suspecting a cunning plan from forkytails to be happening. I looked down before I put my foot into the shoe, and there it was. In all it's forkytail glory. In. My. Shoe. It was clearly going to crawl up me and get inside somehow!


Evidence B: Okay if that wasn't enough to convince you. THERE IS MORE! Once upon a time again at an innocent age, I was probably only ten or eleven, and I was sitting downstairs in my house watching Saturday morning television when it happened. I was eating a bowl of frosties as children do, and I looked down into my bowl and saw, this:

Hi, I'm a forkytail and I'm going to kill you.

So I did what anyone would do under that situation, I screamed at the top of my lungs and ran upstairs to get my mam, not caring if I was dragging her out of bed (I do this quite a lot later on in life, she will find out this is only the beginning) and made her come downstairs and get it. But the problem was when we got downstairs it wasn't in the bowl anymore it was making its escape after being caught! Luckily we found it scrabbling across the floor, well I say 'we' I mean, I was standing on the stairs screaming my head off, my mam found it and killed it. 

So, this summer I went home for two weeks and I had forgotten that summer time appears to be 'forkytail season' in Shetland. Oh did I not know what I was letting myself in for. After a few days of being lulled into a false sense of security that there weren't any around, I went into the kitchen one night to turn the kettle on. 

And I saw the worst sight, I have ever seen in my life. I've drawn a totally size accurate picture. 

Hi, I waited a few years and now I've brought some friends back to kill you.

At first I only saw the first two, and screamed just at that, but then I turned and saw the third one and ran screaming out of the kitchen almost in tears and I was like "Mam mam please you have to do it there's forkytails in the kitchen..." and she got up and wasn't very happy that I was acting like a blubbering two year old. I remained in the living room for five minutes before walking into the kitchen still in tears like, "Did... did you get them?" and she was like "YES SARAH. Calm down."

I tried to forget about it, tried. But later on that night when my mam asked me to go down and call the cat in as she was outside, and she's old now so it's not so nice to keep her outside all night, I walked downstairs in my pyjamas and bare feet. This was a mistake. I opened the door and called my cats name into the wind to no avail. Whilst I was waiting I happened to glance across at the wall in my garden, a mere two feet from the door and saw a huge forkytail walking down it. It was a windy night, it could easily blow off the wall and straight onto me! Unlikely but TOTALLY POSSIBLE.

Then I looked down, and mere inches away from my BARE feet. Was spiders legs, a spider was trying to get into the house. Oh god. I slammed the door shut as fast as I possibly could and legged it upstairs where I wrapped myself up for the battle that was about to commence.

I am so onto you, forkytails.

So prepared for what was coming, I marched downstairs confidently, thinking the moment I saw one it was going to be smooshed under my winter boots and I would be OKAY. Nothing to worry about AT ALL. 

I didn't even make it to the door. I got down the stairs, saw a forkytail crawling it's way across the hall and spent about five minutes working up the courage to try and squash it underneath my boot but what if it got inside? What if somehow there was a hole in the bottom of my boot and it got inside and thus got inside me and maybe that was the plan all along?! I couldn't do it. In tears of fear and frustration I ran upstairs and threw open my mothers door, she couldn't believe I was such a baby. 

But I know they are out there, they have failed so many times but they are out there, waiting to get me. Just waiting. I know it. 

EDIT// Okay so when my mam read this she said she liked it but apparently I made it sound like she 'loves' forkytails. So I decided to clear this up. My mother hates them just as much as I do (she just happens to be a bit better than me at dealing with them). But don't get me started about the time she found one in her bed...